Challenges and trouble fill my life, and just when I thought it was insurmountable, I found it:  The solution to nearly all my problems was suddenly in my grasp!  It was a colorful magazine titled Women’s Weekly or something like that.  This publication was filled with all the answers, and yet it was discarded by someone on the pile of free magazines at my dad’s independent living building.  

Right there on the cover was one of my most pressing problems solved: “Easily lose 25 pounds in 14 days.”  Yes, I need that! Especially the part about EASY!  I am so tired of losing weight the hard way; why did I not know about this magazine before?

Another headline on the cover got me excited: “Save hundreds on groceries and eat like a king.”  Of course, this might not help the diet, yet I am sure there are some skinny kings, like that one from Norway.

A little green dollar sign caught my eye on the cover next to “The quick fix to your financial foils!”  Any fix would be fine, but QUICK is good. 

But wait - there’s more!  Much more. Headlines splashed across the cover, promising solutions to the many concerns I think about at 5 a.m., and I could not wait to see all the powerful, life changing content inside this wonderful yet thin and easy to read magazine. 

“Ready for vacation? Four simple exercises for a beach body.”  Yes, yes, just what I needed and simple too!  Why have I not seen this magazine before?

It’s all here. “Masterpiece meals in 15 minutes.”  “Make your hair grow like magic!” “Making homework time happy time.”  

This magazine had everything! I could not wait to discover the “Three fruits that improve your brain power.” This is the type of article my wife would clip and tape to the mirror, and now I can beat her to it.  I will become so smart on my own that I won’t ever need her help telling me what I should have done in the first place. 

More headlines jump from the cover. “6 easy tips to get your teen to become an everlasting joy.” “Holiday happiness hints: Get the relatives together - and happy.”  Maybe this is the article that helped Norman Rockwell paint that family around the turkey.  I desperately need these incredible insights.

And suddenly another headline jumped out at me. “Marital bliss - wink, wink.”  Wow! I need this magazine!

I glanced through the magazine, seeing many valuable short articles that were full of everything I needed to know for happiness and success. 

 When I got to the inside back page, there was more: a full page list of next month’s info-packed journal. Incredible! There were so many, many more success secrets to solve my many troubles that I had no clue how to solve.  I couldn’t wait! I needed to order this magazine – but sadly for me, some other very lucky person already took the subscription card.

Norm Barnhart is a comic actor, magic entertainer and after dinner keynote speaker from the Forest Lake area. Visit his website at CleanComedyGuys.com.

Load comments