To the Editor:
Okay, what are we even doing here, folks?
Democrats, you need to make up your minds. Either the GOP are a bunch of proto-fascist quasi-terrorists who want to destroy our democracy, or they are good and august people of our elected bodies who need to be compromised with. You either go with the first and start throwing (political) punches, or you’re just being a new David Lloyd George hoping that by appeasing the maniacs they’ll go away... and we all know that never works.
Yes, the GOP is full of nutters right now, but the obvious nutters are just there to cover up for the bonkers opinions of the rest of them. Take, for example, our current state elected officials. We’ve got Greggy who doesn’t seem to think that our kids should be guaranteed decent internet to do their homework, and we’ve got Jemmy who takes government handouts while refusing to let anyone who actually works for a living get paid a higher wage. These are some deeply uncaring and devious people, but they tend to fly under the radar because they’re not posting on Instagram with an AR-15 shoved down their pants or whatever. Don’t let them get away with it, though: a galvanized screw and a rusty one feel the same going into a two-by-four.
And don’t think I’m letting the Democrats off the hook, either. If the GOP are the ones threatening to give you a swirlie because you talked bad about their Daddy, then the Dems are the ones talking about your outfit behind your back and refusing to let you sit with them at lunch. That’s the problem: we’ve boiled it down so far that it’s just two gangs of permanent teenagers running the school, and most of the students can’t stand either of them because all they care about is their silly little clubs.
You don’t have to choose between soulless and spineless. There is always another way.
We can’t actually talk about higher wages, guaranteed healthcare, more effective schools, or something so ridiculous as clean water supplies because that goes against the club rules, which of course are “don’t do anything that might make the rich people who support us have to lose one thin dime.” And before and of you ghouls try to say I’m using coded Anti-Semitism, I hope you had a lovely Hanukkah too, and my wife’s new latke recipe was out of this world.
No one likes the current state of things, so why not change it? Minnesota has a long history of strong third parties, and Minnesotans have a strong history of independence and rebel spirit when it comes to making sure their own friends, neighbors, and yes even enemies get taken care of. They don’t call it “Minnesota Nice” for nothing. It’s time to stop appeasing these two groups of bullies and try something different, because at the end of the day you know they only care about keeping things cozy for themselves. We all love that scene in the movies where the student body stands up to the bullies and things can stop being so awful... so why not make that happen here in our own lives?
Take control of your own future. Write your own ending. Be brave. Be independent. Be compassionate. Be rebellious. Be a Minnesotan.