3/30/06
Moments that change our lives
by Joe Nathan
What are two or three moments that changed your life? As college students ask advice this spring, Iím thinking a lot about this.
For example, more than 30 years ago, a young woman was very enthusiastic when I asked her for a date. I was shy in high school and college and had many disappointments with women. By the time I was 26, although I had friends, I was really lonely.
One night I went to a political precinct caucus. A young woman and I picked the same group. We talked for a few minutes.
A few days later, I called her.
ìOh, I was hoping you would call,î she responded. ìSure, letís get together.î Those 15-20 seconds changed my life forever.
A year later, we married. Weíve been together for 31 years.
Hereís another example:
Some years ago I did not get a job that I really wanted, and felt I deserved. The details are unimportant but I was angry and bitter.
My wife strongly encouraged me to move on. In a tough, loving conversation, she insisted, ìIt makes no sense to let them get to you.î She wisely suggested that I look at other options, and not let frustration overwhelm me.
She was right. Iíve known people who allowed the loss of a job, or some other perceived injustice influence them for years. Each of us knows bitter, unhappy people whoíve allowed a bad experience to make them miserable. Itís unhealthy and unproductive.
Thanks to my wife, I avoided that path.
Hereís a final example, from an educator I know. He recalls the time a teacher encouraged him to stop sleeping through school, and get more actively involved. He joined a new class, did well, was included in a local newspaper story about the class, and changed his attitude.
He had been a violent, angry young man. He learned to use his talent in positive ways. He graduated from high school and worked for Prince the recording artist.
After a few years he left that job and opened a recording studio. That led to creating a High School for Recording Arts, a public school that is helping many young people who did not excel in traditional schools. In thinking about all this, he goes back to the moment when the teacher asked him to stop sleeping. He decided to follow that advice.
Why not share such moments with youngsters? Little things, like being enthusiastic, as my wife was to my call, refusing to allow bitterness to overwhelm us, or responding to an opportunity can have a huge positive impact on our lives. Young people need to know that.
Joe Nathan directs the Center for School Change at the University of Minnesotaís Humphrey Institute. He welcomes responses: jnathan@hhh.umn.edu
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